Journal Entry #3

 

Trying to catch the eye of some one can be very difficult and not to mention a real pain in the ass when it doesn’t work
the date on this is a LONG time ago sometime around November 98

I had tried for weeks, hanging out here, staying late there, waiting, trying to find my chance. Waiting for what I don’t know. Call it love, call it hope. Maybe for some reason I thought that this would be different. Maybe I’m optimistic, maybe stupid. I do know that everything no matter how it’s played out it’s the same. No one is different, no one cares. People act, people play, but nothing ever changes. I see some. The lucky one’s. The ones who “luck out” and meet the person that has probably “had it” themselves. Their the ones who parade around arm and arm, laughing and enjoying themselves. But I know that it’s just a moment. A moment in time that they’ve rehearsed, practiced and played out countless times. I realize that all this sounds pessimistic, even mad. But when your experience tells you one thing and your heart tell’s you another and you’re forced to understand that your hearts stopped and your not going to be the one who “lucks out.” You learn that people who win the lotto don’t have the luck you would need. You learn to be cold, even, even angry. But I do know that I can’t give up no matter how much I would like to. I’m forced to go on, move on practicing, praying even playing wondering if in the end I’ll find what I’m looking for. “Someone.”

“Think I’m going for a walk now. Feel a little unsteady. Don’t want nobody to follow me, except maybe you. I can make you happy and I’ll. If you weren’t already. I can do a lot of things… And I do…..”

—-“Untouchable Face” Ani Difranco

 Posted by at 9:06 pm